I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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