the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That's how pantless uber rides happen
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
