did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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