I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
