Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
