im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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