I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
