fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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