All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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