Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
