but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
