so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
