The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
