Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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