I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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