Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
