Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
