quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
