I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
