It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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