I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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