oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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