Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize