guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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