Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
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Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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