1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
