my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
