Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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