i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
