When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
