When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
