with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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