I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
