Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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