shes about as inviting as chlamydia
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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