So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize