I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
