just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
