Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
