it's too hot outside to masturbate.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
