Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
