Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
