Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
