um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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