There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
