remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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