Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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