You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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