We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and she was petting her beer can
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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