please come you make the beer taste better
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
