My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
