he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize