He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
