i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
