watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
