the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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