That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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