i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
