First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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