you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
