just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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