so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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