I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
