Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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