Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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