From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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