I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
