don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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