A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
