Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
