You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
