She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
jump out the window naked night went bad
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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