Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
