I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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