I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
