I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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