College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
